Happy birthday Xing Cha BOR~

K its like 230 am in the morning of national day, I'm so excited that i can't sleep. Yes who am i kidding. I'm currently talking to Gary and reading my past post. Gary, is a very very sad dude, his love life is simply, heart wrenching , thus me being the very kind me gave him a motivation session and some very very sound tips.

Then I was looking at my previous blog and Zzz, i can't help it but felt disgusted with all the grammatical errors and poor vocab. Ok i'm not saying I'm all English teacher now and all but hmm, i though i could at least salvage it ab it by re-editing one of the post. XD

Tuesday, December 21, 2004:.
::

To you,

By the time you are reading this,you might have known alot of things already, how ever there might be still some stuff that i've kept to myself..

Its been such a long time.. I've waited.. I've hid around ur shadows ,I hurt and got hurt for you,through all these years. Do you remember,the bottle i gave to you on your 13th birthday,together with the pooh card.. hur hur. Its the first present i had gave to any girl. Yeap, i'd alot of first time with you.That day when we broke up, i was waiting outside the gate for you. There was a slight drizzle, i though u might not have brought any umbrella along , silly me. I decided only to enter the school when xw told me to..Again,that is a dumb move . Maybe u think that its nothing, but at that time, i really wanted to send you home with that umbrella.

August 25 th, the day you broke up with me,I will always remember this date .I'ld always reminiscence on the memories we had . The first time i saw you cry, I felt a sudden urge to ask why and who made you cry and all. How ever , i never did , I guess i was too late to ask. Some one else did.

Then, you and i stopped talking for awhile yea?By then you were with xw. I got to know that through Irvin. However xw eventually told me about the relationship both of you are having . Hur Hur, for the first time I felt so much pain going through me at that time..I don't know , i know i would be jealous,but it was far from that.Its more then jealousy,but i kept every thing to myself.I didn't want any one to know that i still like you . I didn't wanted to put a Xw on the spot .

I began telling xw stuffs about you, what you like and stuffs like that. Well I did that for a simple reason actually, that is to see you happy with him.I wanted him to give you things I couldn't give,love that i can't fulfill,I didn't think much then.Then i saw you drenched in melancholy.I hated him , i knew its not your fault,but he denied all responsibilities and till now i still have doubts on forgiving him. Yea, I'm very small air(petty).

On my 14Th birthday,you and him gave me a car(well , its a miniature model, but a car is still car )and i still keep it with me. That was the first present you gave to me. i sorta really treasure that yellow car. It is also on my 14th birthday that i made a wish that i could be with you again. Hur hur, childish i would say ,the wish never came true.

Christmas that year,I received a Christmas card from you, I'm looking at it now. It looks simple, but I can't explain to you the joy I had when i received it. I was like jumping up and down. Lol. Then we started sending each other letters too which I'm also reading now.As i read them one by one , i felt my heart ache more,i don't know why.

Then we began talking again,its like a miracle . I could still remember how i rush back home from sch and stared at my phone waiting for you to call me.At that time i was more talkative, so we managed to talk alot. With all of that,I build up enough courage to ask you for your hand again.However when I saw your conversation with Stella,I was demoralised.I felt like an idiot.Thus ,I decided not to tell you anything and all.However ,Chong Hoe went to tell you every thing i guess,thus in the end.. it still went back to you rejecting me.

I remembered telling you this lame joke about my heart having the same fate as the goat's heart Annan(the bio teacher) was telling us to slice up.It was funny , how ever with every word i typed my heart felt like its being sliced, over and over again.

We stopped talking for awhile again after that. Then u were with laren u knew from the ice ring. Mm, I bet you didn't know that when u were all ice skating and all.I was rollerblading!I borrowed a pair of roller blades and i started to learn how to blade.I thought of this concept that roller blading is the same as ice skating. I am a slow learner thus i kept falling, but the each time i fell, the thought of me being able to join you all to ice skate made me not give up, until eventually... all of you stopped ice skating.

I guessed the both of you broke off eventually too, that is what i guessed though. I began to try to talk to you again, I've put in plenty of efforts to get into a conversation with you . One of the things i did was to harm a very good friend of mine,Jm. Remember that day i said i like Jm when she was at your house? I knew that you were all watching what i type,but i continued.I kinda want everyone to divert their attention to me and Jm rather then the both of us, In order for me to talk to you more comfortably. It was unfair for Jm, but we manged to talk again, didn't we?

Do you remember there was this time when we cycled together ? It lit a spark again and we began doing more tings together again. You told me you wanted to slim down, thus we began jogging .Every time you asked me to jog with you , i'ld jump into my pt kit no matter i am sick.. nt sick.. tired or not tired.. busy or not busy.. hurt or not hurt.. There was a time i jogged with you with a sprained ankle. I had a hard time hiding the pain how ever,i did all that as i wanted to go jog with you,I wanted to be with you.

MM, remember the promise that i won't eat sotong again ?? Tell you a secret,i broke the promise!On purpose !That day, jp, u and me, we went to have lunch at gr.I wanted to see if you still remember,thus i ordered sotong in my meal.Its something i haven't had for a long time, but i don't think u seemed to be bothered at all,thus i ate my sotong sadly.

Then I watched my first movie with you. Princess dairy 2. Hur hur, i've got to say that i didn't understand much of that show.In fact,I thought it was pretty lame actually.How ever , i didn't mind that as I get to watch a movie with you. km knows about me holding a torch for you,so i guess he purposely seated us together. I know you were pissed , but Km was persistent, sorry.

Then, it was finally prom night. You looked the best on that day from the other times i saw you during this 1241 days(1241x24=29784 hours,29784X60=1787040minutes,1787040x60=107222400 seconds). I kept stealing glances at you from my table till ct asked me why am I staring at him. There was a dedication to you then saying that he love you so much right? or something like that.. I was heart broken when i heard that,cause it was not dedicated by me.

At the chalet,What else can i say, so much happened. I did had the chance to express my feelings to you at that time actually, but ,i didn't.I was afraid that things wouldn't be the same after i told you how i feel. I'm filled with regret now.Jm hated me for that.Below is what i wanted to say during the chalet.

As you open the brown package,you'll find the letters and cards you've sent to me . I treated them as treasures before and now I am returning all of them back to you.


Now,i guessed, that is it.I wasted my chance, I hated myself for it. Words can't describe my feelings now, its such a joke, its the same person who broke the news to me.Great, You and him must be happy now, all those sweet talks and stuffs.

I shall not lie to myself why you wouldn't reply to my msges .

I should not lie to myself why you would suddenly become moody

I should not lie to myself why you won't talk with me on the phone the you and him did

I should not lie to myself that i can hide this all forever...

I should not feel motivated again to work cause I said that I am going to take care of you ...

I shall not lie that I could get closer to you by jogging with you ..

I shall not lie that by helping you , You would appreciate it..

I shall forget about all the tings that happened in the chalet for it seemed significant for you ...

I shall forget the times i walked with you to school..

I shall think that I deserved to be scolded by my boss and customers cause i rushed through work to make time for u ..

I shall not wait for you in the middle of the night and try to sneak out of the house just to go fetch u from work

I shall not be worried that u would be stalked..

I shall not think that you remember all the things we did together..

I shall think that all these are my own doings.. and I am to be blame for all that had happened during all this time that i did every ting for you ......

For the second time and the last time Calin..I cried for you(0038 hours GMT Singapore ). Sorry for making you go through all this.I don't want you to apologise nor show appreciation.The best present you gave to me this Christmas was the chance to sent you home, to your door steps,i don't expect anything more, all i want to say is , thank you for every thing.

J.c
::
.:jooncheen Iced 12/21/2004 11:59:00 PM:.

ARGH!!!! I'm like editing and laughing my ass off in the middle of the night ar. Patrick complained that he can't be efficient in his work now. ARGH!!!Its so much better now as compared to the previous one la. Jeeze.... This is seriously good entertainment and good way to kill time and KILL EMONESS~!!!!! WKKAKAKAKA. Now , i'll start laughing at my sister and bro even more!Blardy Emo secondary school days ~

Chill kid .. Smile=)

Arh jeeze , i think i'm getting addicted to that quote esther gave me. Chill kid. Smile =) Its like every time i got pissed over sth that quote came into my mind. Thanks kid~ and.. Hmm, we shouldn't think too much eh.. haha.

So i went for a job interview at serrangoon broad way studio today, woots and woots , training starts next Friday. So cool ar, to be able to work at a photography studio. Thank god maybelline informed me ~~~~

I went to meet the guys for carl's just now. Jeeze, to think i just had some disagreements with them the night before and we're there laughing our ass of at fat asses again. They're the best la. We had quite some talk about the happenings and all, hmm I like what Ernest said to me..

"
so get settled down, casinova is fun on and off, but sometimes u just need a hug from a gal u know that will be there for u and willing to give u a hug as well"

That was exactly what he said , see i didn't even bother correcting his English. I love the way he reminded me that I still need to be loved . Trust me ern, I tried.

Was talking to Tw about how we should live our lives now and all.. Jeeze, fate seems like a bluff and all, something they use to bluff girls or sth, I don't use it though. I'm afraid i'll make god angry~ XD

So i learnt something new today, CROSS STITCHING!

Before i even started i forgot about the fact that i'm actually needle phobic..and that cross stitching involves needles. Jeeze, but ay, I did 50++ stitches though so , i'm numb now, I can take jabs now.

Then to the kind person who taught me how to count those minute holes and all , which almost made me blind, THANK YOU! I hope you like the card, you know you will.

Updates

Kk, i shall let my week be all black . K, ernest had to hear my rants.. thanks

So we played against Ka csc just now , ay , we lost, 3 sets straight again .. but zzz, i think I did my best. Ernest's brotehr was there again , as usual , attracting lots of attention. Ay, the world class referee shut me up.. AGAIN~...

Tsk.. 8-8-2007. Woots, 2 person's birthday . Happy birthday calin~ happy birthday Jun Feng~ I'm lazy so you both can read my wishes and use it for ur own..

I wish you a merry birthday ,I wish you a merry birthday ,I wish you a merry birthday ,I wish you a merry birthday ..and a happy new year~...Best wishes and good luck in every thing you and you dO~~~~~~~~~

Jc please Focus and mind what you say...

I need to ...
Be cool and don't be rash..
Keep my focus in all situations..
Take things step by step..
Accept facts...
Period.

Nasty mode...

Think i'm became a full fledged jerk today.

I'm out to piss people off. Tsk, trust me , I seriously got irritated over the slightest thing today. Even when I lost the triple knock out level on ern's psp. Zzz, some kinda vein in my brain definitely grew bigger today, supplying more blood to the hate cels..

I'm sorry esther .. zzz, i felt bad to say all those stuffs about the da jie gang. ARgh... next time.. I'll be good... sorry....

Argh, stupid day.

I can't love the person i hate....

You show me how to hate him.. you hated him...
I hate him for what he did to you...
I hate him for what he did to me...
I hate him for taking away what i have...
You showed hatred for him in front of me...
I played his role when he is gone...
I couldn't be a better person to them because i had to play his role..
I don't belong to any body now because of him..

Nobody knows my story..
Nobody understood how i felt..
I could've been happier..
I could've not hate so much...
Only hell understands my resentment....

Now.....

You want to put me in his foot steps..
You want me to show concern for him...
You want me to love him...

I'm telling you now..

I can't...

I can't love the person i hate..

I'm just a guy, I can't be extra ordinary..

I'm sorry.

Saturday morning full of shit...

Jeeze.. its close to mid noon now and i'm having a bad hang over. It gets worse every time i have one, i wonder why... I'm still not exactly sober now ... so pardon the weird sentences...

Drank plenty yesterday, the four of us actually finished halve a bottle of absolute vodka. Its like drinking some donkey's pee at first , but oh well, its booze, what gives. I can't remember exactly what happened and i think i was really drunk and high and i started talking nonsensical stuffs to the girls. I think i'm not able to hold alcohol that well any more, damn ,ernest protect me next time we club or sth or i'll get rape..

Ok , we're playing that silly indian poker game again which i don't know why , i had lousy luck to start with so i kept losing and losing and gotto down plenty much of donkey's pee. It got pretty high and we started asking each other questions. I can't remember the questions already. I think by then , the J cockster in me had already taken over and i started being damn ridiculous and shet. I think i even asked some one to be my GF on the spot. I think.. was I asking Ct or Yh ar...

I dunno what time i got home and i think they sent me home which was really kind of them to do that thank you very much ...... else i'll be sleeping in the streets hur.. I've been sleeping in a sleeping bag for the past few days.. (my bed spoilt) and this time round i didnt even bother pulling out my sleeping bed , i just slap my face on the floor and blacked out.


and..

Thats how i woke up this morning on the floor , back ache, face ache, head ache ... with a bad hang over. Mum then came back with a bottle of ice wine ... she asked me whether i wanted some.... damn..

I can't help but question your actions

So i've sent irene off to vancouver.. this time ,i made it a point to be there to see her off. Lots of hugs , cookies and photographs.. Jeeze.. We'll miss you SBF.

I played the men's open tournament yesterday, we played against a team which is known to be stronger then us. Yes , we lost. Losing is something common when you play vball, but tsk, i really question that man's approach to losing a tournament. Its demoralising and disturbing. I didn't like it.

I think maybe I'm being too particular. Hmm.

The more i thought about yesterday's match , the more pissed i beacme... Damn it.

Ah yes, Let me give credit to ... the small and handy dandy assistant who helped me through out the photo shooting session at the air port. Thanks~!

Irene's leaving again

Arh jeeze, the sbf is leaving town to go back to Vancouver again. Shet thing, i just watched the Simpson's movie with her and the kid just now at lot 1. They were kind enough to follow me all the way to lot 1 , and to watch the same show again together with me. The Sesf had to make fun of my oriental hotel waiter suit like long sleeve shirt.

We chilled at Ya kun kaya toast for quite a while. The seats were square and were too small to fit my entire butt. I was commenting that if i were to take of my pants and look at the mirror after the chilling session, i'll have this red square tattooed on my ass. Then irene had to make my appetite go bad by offering her EGGS to me. After which , she offered me her BREAD as well. So much so for a menstrual cycle. Sheesh

We've chat about every thing, from the complains , to what happened before, to the daily happings.. Its been along time .. So many things changed la, after that chill session , which prolly will be the last with her for quite a long time, i realised i've left behind so much things..

I don't know why the thought of irene leaving gets me so emo. Jeeze, I guess i haven't got the chance to realise it all until our projects are all submitted today . I've been too busy and stuck up during project times to look out for whats around me. I think i'm not taking these changes maturely enough , like someone who still cry for something he lost. Like a loser. Sigh , I'll leave it as that and go emo mode now.

Gd bye Sp Cyclists

Finally,after 3 gruelling years .. I've stepped down as president for Sp cylists club.

Hmm, since like just yesterday i supposed, that Wen jie passed the baton to me. It all started with me and soon ning. The both of us were young and green fresh men then, didn't know what to do, and we kinda , re built the club from scratch. We struggled with our membership intake then as the fresh men's attendance saw only a few and the only more enthusiastic was me and soon ning. Soon, ivan came along.

Ivan was a year 2 then , thus , he was kinda senior and all but he joined us because he grew tired of the canoeist club.Ivan was a passionate guy full of ideas . He was one of the pillars of support Sp cyclists had then. Ideally known as the uncle teo, he was the one who re structured our annual round island cycling expedition to make it more easier participants. He came out with the mini round island cycling expeditions and seriously, he did a very fine job teaching us how to maintain the bikes and maintaining them for us. He's the man.

Then came my Zhi hong and wei long. The both of them wanted to join the club , and yes, they had a hard time getting to us, me and soon ning. Its so hard to open the club 24/5 with only the two of us holding the keys. Zhi hong and wei long soon became very enthusiastic with the club activities, both of them became part of the team that I was in to rebuild our club. Zhi hong a.k.a the quartermaster and wei long, publications.

At about the same time , Zhi jian and ernest joined the gang. I supposed i can call them my handy man and the trio of us form the brain of SP cyclists. Events, ideas,meetings all , Fo events , we've been through all the thick thin. Those late evenings staying back in school to discuss the next events , the sacrifice we made, to see the club running fine now, i guess it worth it.

I would like to give credit to Alicia Zee too. She's my student officer back then, and she is damn hot. Even though she looks old and all, woots, do anything stupid and feel her wrath. Alicia Zee acted like a guide for us , since our seniors couldn't have time to teach us on the rules and all,Alicia was our only source of information , if you've watched matrix.. she is like the oracle.

Last but not least, i'ld thank the president mentor... Yi mian, the cocker, the fucker , the team builder. He is one of our seniors actually, exiled by the rest before , stripped from President to nothing less.. he came back to aid us in our plight. He is like the god father ~

2006 saw the fruit of our hard work, the freshmen. We we're gifted with plenty of year 1 signing up for the club. Our Club fund saw a significant boost . Adding on to that , we collaborated with SPyfc for the p.ubin ride which helped us foster inter club relationship with their members and as well as the SPA. The end of 2006 saw Sp cyclists running vibrantly as a club ...

Now , after hearing promises lay down by the new president and committee members, i'ld realise that hmm, thats the end of the road for us, me. Running the club for me was like walking bare footed in a jungle trail, pain staking , with a strong instinct for survival. Friends asked me why continue, i think , I can't find words to explain this feeling , but hmm, after looking at the road i took way back and the current position i'm at now, I think its worth it.

blogger

BLOGGER IS GIVING ME PROBLEMS AGAIN!!!!

A time of crisis

Laughter..

Jostling..

Boys aimlessly receiving volleyball .. playing with no code of conduct.

Eating , shouting , running in a mad bunch ...

Discipline wasn't an issue on any of their minds...

Winning isn't what they aim for...

They just want to spike hard and impress the chicks...

Even so , they can't really spike that well..

They talk back to him..

They despised and hated his coaching...

Then he told me....

" Jc , i'm leaving zheng hua volleyball , I'll not coach them any more... I give up.."

Spiking harder..

Woots , had plenty of crabs yesterday at mellben's. Its at toa payoh this time round and we had helluva time searching for the restaurant.Ok, the rest of the guys had a hard time searching for the restaurant but i was there early coz i took the chartered bus. I regretted.I was cooped with a bunch of 'babes' whom i think won the line dancing competition or sth for the cc , thats why they are invited to the invitational dinner as well , and yes I'm compelled by their overwhelming friendliness on the bus ride. So much so that i only had one thought on my mind , I wanna go home~I don't have to elaborate on how "turn on" i was by them rite?

Well if that ain't bad enough , i reached the restaurant before any of the guys did and i sat next to Dr Teo. Alot might think its an honor to sit beside an Mp , but for me , i'ld rather not. Like , what if he found out that i'm a good for nothing parasite living of the goods of mother earth posing a threat to his little Village in the north western side of Singapore. Jeeze, lucky he only ask if i'm thirsty and need a drink.

Well, enough talk about the happenings for me, lemme describe the restaurant itself. It look just like some ordinary zi char restaurant on the exterior, just alittle more beef up , but woots... the dishes served are definitely above your ordinary zi char stall standards.

For those who didn't know , Mellben seafood is known best for their crab dishes. Chilli crab, crab bee hoon , butter crab , what kinda crap they also got. Dr Teo was kind enough to treat us to 3 of the many crab dishes variety there. According to the cook, the dishes ordered are some of their trade marks.Ay, if only i've got my camera with me , i'ld take pictures but , I didn't thought of it , well, I'll give credit to the people who took the pics of which i'm about to display or have already displayed . First off , the favourite crab dish out of the 3 we ordered, voila, the butter crab.

I cant explain the sensational tongue tingling taste i had when i tasted the sauce. Ok, it looked like the crab is coated with semen from here i know , but what gives . I'm not gay and all but if cum really taste this good , damn , guys out there, the next time u start wanking off again to sth , please save the cum up and use it to fry your crab.

Next would be the e.t.m.h.o (every time must have one) dish , which is, the crab bee hoon.

Ok , so they used one whole crab for this bowl of bee hoon and it looks kinda ordinary.How ever , what you see is not necessary what you get. The soup used for this dish is made using crab stock~ In the crab stock , you've got crab eggs~ You put crab egg and you mix with this , you get a orgasmic tasting soup.Yes, its so nice that every table i see with this pot of crab bee hoon , had some one tilting the clay pot up side down to empty the contents thoroughly.

The last dish would be the chilli crab, its nothing worth mentioning i think because i think it taste just like the standard chilli crab you'ld find anywhere else in singapore . Hur, in any case , thats about the wrap for this mellben seafood introduction. I'll not talk about the price tag for the dishes eh , its a turn off trust me. Stay in your oblivion of self satisfaction by imagining how the crab meat will just melt in your mouth and blend in harmony with the sauces to create the heavenly taste. DAmn , i'm hungry.

Let them be .. let them be...

Woots 3 in the morning ! GG i need to sleep soon. Lemme just blog alil something here and there to keep things going.

Finally , we got r.p.o.t.b.b.q.g.(Ruffled Pawned On the B B Q Grill) by our gems tutorer as we did some very crappy job with our presentation. I did my part of the slides in like an hour , shi yang came out with an essay, ernest's points clashes with shi yangs which he only spent like 30 mins doing and the other two guys were stammering. Miss lin was kind enough to give us next week to present on our slides again. We kinda explained to her our plight after wards and yes, thank god she is humane enough to understand the cause of our demise.

So that gives 3 presentations to be presented next week , 1 annual general meeting to attend , 4 reports to submit and yes ,vball open's tournament starts next week. I'm gonna get f.p.u.s.d.l.r.c(Fucking Pawned Up Side Down Left Right Center) at the matches. Wth , we're playing against the germans , french and the yankees i think.I think i'ma go get my finger binds and all, i don't want to dislocate anything~

The other day chilled with the Sesf , the SBf and the SBF at town till dawn. We need more time together before irene goes back... nuuuuuuuuuuu~~~and yes , i'm lagging.

Self Mutilation

What the fuck is wrong with you now JC. Its 1 in the morning u're lessons start at 8 tml and you are still here sitting on your god damn ass typing this retarded shet?This post is going to be pointless you know.

You're feeling down and all over what the fuck again? Lousy play? You're in pain? What the fuck is wrong with your knees ? Why you want to play vball so much ? Got use? Why play until so lousy?Fuck ~

You're feeling down and all over what the fuck again? The things that happened ? What fucking things? You made people hate? YOu hate who? Why you care so much about what other people feel? Why so kind? Fuck~

You're feeling down and all over what the fuck again?What projects? What work? Fuck care ~ What due times? What responsibilities? What stress? What is this kind of stress... fucking small orite... don't complain. Fuck~

You're feeling down and all over what the fuck again?Why you're reading things you shouldn't read? Why you get so sad over the things she said? What is she to you?You like her? No , then why care so much? What do you want? Fuck~

Life's a dick.

I'ld like to give the liability away for free

How many times you find yourself stuck in this situation where by your perception doesn't coincides with another? What did you did when that happen? Adopt the new point of view? Strongly agreed that you're the correct one? Or maybe take a subtle action by considering the fact that perceptions are based on any ones character?

Well the point is , God , if he's there, didn't made us perfect to start with. He starts by giving us these little liabilities here and there for us to understand ourselves even better.

We all have negative attributes in ourselves no matter what, which we should identify and rectify it . The process of correcting our selves helps us understand our self even more. Through that , we can grow. Growth should be an end less cycle within ourselves and shouldn't be hindered or stopped.

By now i think ,if you're reading this you should know that this post is referring to you. I doubt you'll be reading though but the rest who have been listening to my rants would most likely know who that person is . I'm not here to pin point though, what I've said is for every one to read. I hope you'd find this post as an useful advice for what ever you do .

P.s. I'm not at all impressed by the things you did , or will be doing.

Gramps visit

Sunday morning!

Sunday mornings are good for lazy people, especially when you suddenly lost touch of your back bone and you start to like , lay low, taking shape of what ever thing you lie on.

Gramps is over to "baby sit" us again as Mum escapes to malaysia yet again during teh week ends. Maybe my siblings would dread my ah ma coming over but i actually like it. My room is much cleaner and i what, I get good food.

Ay, I'm lazy to take a picture of the ba kut teh i'm drinking now ...bla bla bla, so i'm off to drink my soup adn continue with dreaded work. Ciaoz

He is troubled.

Once upon a time , muthu was very very troubled.....

Damn , This inconsistent blogging sucks. OK , i shall blame school work for this again!Damn , the projects dead lines are all piling on top of each other. Stress and tension is indeed building up, quarrels , disputes, conflicts , communication break down.. all the shet all erupting.Woots, I think i'm good though , since i've could vent all my hate to just one person.

OK, other then the over due cheque i've yet to claim , i'm officially broke. No notes , no ATM card , no coins .. BROKE. As in like the past tense of break ! What the hell was the poor man wishing for again.. damn it

Argh.. I've been taking pictures the whole of today actually . Geeze, The lens Evan borrowed was awesome, picture quality and all. Nice~ Maybe i'll make this post a post to like , "show off " alil. OK, here goes..

This kid here obviously Caught my attention. Halve the time i was trying to take a decent picture of the swans in the back ground he kept jumping in front of me. Adorable yet irritable. I love kids like this, especially when i push one of them into the pond and they just drown and die in front of me. PS, I didn't did that though, his dad is one hell of a black buffalo.

There were plenty of fishes there.Small fish , gold fish , BIG fish. Damn if only they allowed me to fish there. Most of the fishes doesn't stand out due to their colors and the reflections from the water surface , but this bunch of fellows did an impressive job on flaunting their Little, yet majestic colours.

The pond is a great place to be at, plenty of life , from the annoying kids to the various creatures there. There was sort of a commotion going on at the creeks , so i went over and woots, there it was, that little fellow taht caught my heart at first sight. The way it wobbles , the way it cleans its wings clumsily , the way it swims .. damn , I knwot eh following word would sound over rated but its ... seriously.. CUTE.
The fellow is pretty cooperative too. It just waddle around me and starts giving me different poses as i start working my camera on it. Like , who needs Tyra banks as a model when you got Ducky quack modelling for you.~ Then Ducky quack's girl friend , Quaky duck came along to meet him for a little date out in the pond.They're so sweet that the fishes are swimming . -_-

Other then the creatures there are also plenty of fauna at the park. Ok , the flowers don't move and they are just pretty by them selve, so i shan't go ahead and elaborate on the pictures. Self judgement is require in this segment , please proceed with brains~

Yes , this is a water fall.. which is like 1 feet high leading to a tributary stream AKA , long kang. Any what , you guys can click on the pictures if you want a larger view of them or , if you want a finer picture , just come to me~ Critics and comments are welcome eh! I'll leave it here. BYE!

Unintention sarcasm

I seriiously am getting bored of the orange skin lay out now.. Geeze, any color themes to suggest any one?

So , i've been busy the whole last week. Irene's back , woots , and i met up with her the day before. Its been so long since i've see her but when we talked plenty at tcc it felt like she just left us for a few days. Yep, every thing is the same, and its good~

Been visiting Nyp alot lately. Training for the outcoming matches , in fact, i've got a match later on. Sigh, i better perform my best for this one, quite crucial.

Hmm, school has been the same. Well, high lights will be from the arguements i had , in fact , for the past week, there are plenty of disagreements. I'm too tired to elaborate on anything woots, I'ld enjoy writing a sarcastic post soon though.

I'll blog soon again, cheerS!

I'm too numb to speak

sorry mates , its been a long time since i updated.The Exams are all crammed up for the week eh. Plus ,i've been rushed around every where too much till my ass hurt from sitting on too much public transport, man i need a car~

So heres whats going on for the past week.

YES i finally bought my camera. My dslr 350d. My sweet black baby, jeeze, the honey names are getting racist. Any what , her arrival is one of the plus factors for me being so busy , busy shooting, pictures that is.I hope i could get some of good quality out~ Oh yea , thanks TPB for the company down to vivo to collect it , I hope you were entertained~

AH jeeze, so many things happened that i can't bother to update.. XD .. Guess we'll just take it from here.

---

"You've got somebody else?"

"Nope, not really..."

"Then why noT?"

"Well, I don't have to spell every thing out to you that clearly eh? Good , smart girl.."

Duan wu Festival

So i guess people all around are making dumplings now adays to commerate the Duan wu Festival.It occurs on 5th day of the 5th month of the lunar new year , but ay, my mum decided to celebrate today.

As i was eating the dumplings with the rest of the family , i had to hear my mum go on with the story on how duan wu festival came about. Geeze, i would have went on to eat infront of my monitor but my aunt and uncle was there , which mean my butt had to be glued onto the chair.

Well, if memory serves me right , duan wu festival came about because of this guy died at some pond at china some time back . The guy is some great Guy which made the folks grieved upon his death. So , in order to prevent the fishes from eating the corpse , they rowed dragon boats with drums and all to scare the fishes away and all. The interesting part is this , they made dumplings to feed the fishes so that they will be too full to eat the rotting corpse.

So , they made dumplings to feed the fishes,wouldn't it meant that we're eating fish food. hmm...

Dumblings day....

OMFG ITS SUNDAY ALREADY~

Damn , one week more to msts , I fuckking dread them. So much so that i'm talking like some dumb fuckked bimbo..

I spent the past few days out late , so much so for cooping up at home flashing and psing previously. I feel much alive today. Its a perfect morning, my mum didn't forget to my paper and woots, finally some one did something about the coffee. Whats more, my aunt and uncle came over to visit us to help out with making dumblings..Then i didn't over slept today so yes, i'm productive. Its good.PLease , don't let anything happen to ruin my perfect Sunday..

Its dumpling day today. I think. Mum woke up early to start preparing for it , and i'm more then glad to help out. I wish i had my camera with me i'ld be able to post up my tasty cuboid dumblings. I don't understand why they want it to be pyramidal shaped when its soo much easier to make a cuboid one.Tsk

3 cheers for a wonderful SUNDAY!

Love happens,really?

Ok, i've been spending tons of my time in front of my computer doing up flashes and photo shopping stuffs here and there.My mum is complaining about seeing the back of my head silhouetted by a computer monitor while i was doing all that shet. I'm coding so much so that i'm becoming a geek who shuns sun light and has a diet of 2 meals per day. If I don't start blogging now i'm going to start to avoid any form of communication with any body.

Been paying attention to the couples around me recently . Its interesting , to see how they try so hard to make things work,well, some of them they did succeed, for those who don't , trust me , i feel sorry for you.

That gave questions , whether the reason why they are so motivated to try so hard is because of love. Then its funny how they endlessly pour effort into something which isn't realistic. Ask any one , would you love him or her so much so that you're gonna walk the aisle together? Actually , i'ld laugh when some one answered yes to that question. Then , again for those who say they won't , why are you trying so hard for? Then there are those who decides not to choose. These people form the majority actually, maybe thats what ethically decided as , the correct way of perceiving the question.

Maybe falling in love doesn't have to be of realism . It just happens and goes as it is. How ever , I reckon it works the same when you engage in a relationship. Sure at some point of time you love each other , but tsk, what gives ? Maybe being in a relationship doesn't require love for each other after all .. it can be just , there .

Take for example a friend i have , now , whether he is a total jerk or not , you decide(ps. he might be another of my imaginary friend , so please re confirm before you assume). He is with
this girl well, for some time. He goes out with her and all and yea , they behave just like any couples would do. How ever , he has been having flings , ok , maybe not having , going to have or thinking along that line. He is sex driven and woots , other "hotter" girls appeal to him out there.In fact , he almost takes that his gf doesn't exist at all. Then it makes me wonder, why is he even in that relationship.

Well, one thing is for sure , people are still looking for their "suitable"partners here and there , me too~ That makes us all jerks and sluts huh? Wth , you must be wondering what point i'm trying to prove , well stop thinking, its 2 in the morning and i don't know what i'm typing again , whats more, there isn't a point to start with..

Mocha

Behold, a Jack Russel terrier, an infinite source of energy. This one here is name after a mix of coffee and chocolate , which makes mocha. Mocha's my friend's friend , and is also my friend.How sweet. He never fails to lighten my mood every time i visit patrick's house and never fails to smear some of his saliva on me and leave plentiful of his fur on my shirt.

Every time I tease mocha around it reminded me of beng , which absence is still grieved. Maybe thats the reason why i like mocha that much. Hmm, a replacement huh.....

test

Feeling Dysfunctional

Certainly , I'm tired of so many things . How people behaved , how they treated me , how they treated each other. It feels like they're out there to get each other.Some how , i feel that I'm the only one complaining about it. Its like, they feed on this vicious cycle , deprived of hate , ruins hope for a better day with an absolute eclipse.

I'm tired of feeling what i should be feel. I sneered at how people need to be hypocrites yet I'm the worst I've ever saw. I'm sick of being deprived of attention , or even worse.. getting those that i don't deserved.I cursed and swear with every shadow that bump against me , making me sway. I chased away those who wants to get at me , yet , i need some one to read me. Like a book , I wished to be accounted for , I wish some one understand my hand writings...

Tolerance is indeed a bliss, which I would love to blow it away with a kiss...

One of the worst

The almond drink didn't work=S I thought it did work but come next morning , I began coughing again and it got worse this morning. I had a bad dream in the middle of the night and i couldn't get back to sleep.I still can remember the dream, and its pretty ridiculous. I dreamt that i was looking at many good flash web sites and photos that I kept going ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG in front of my computer. I was frantic while dreaming that dream as i kept clicking on the different links and pages... I woke up in cold sweat and had a bad head ache. Period, been thinking way too much , brain hemorrhage.

It became even worse when my sinus set in and i was coughing , sneezing and my head was pounding... I had Panadol and that sent me to a rather, peaceful but coerced slumber in the later part of the afternoon. I woke up feeling better so i gave Ern a call to confirm the trip down to the IT fair. Then we were there , woots plenty of people... No Pz i didn't saw you ... theres plenty of people teeming around and whats more, i think my eye sight got dulled today@_@

Dinner was at sub way, i thought it'ld be healthy to eat there, despite the peanut butter cookie and coke, and a little ice cream for dessert. Ay, the guys are evil , as always , when they temt to eat that 50 cents ice cream , and yes , the sneezing and coughing and head ache came back in a package halve way through my ice cream. I was parched , so i and zj hydrated ourselves at 7-11, once again i thought apple juice would be healthy so i drank a can , woots , the sneezing got worse. I got home coughing terribly and there was phlegm and all, then i spit out some, blood, woots. I'm pretty sure that the blood was due to too much heat and all, so hmm, i'll just put liang teh as my main diet now. Its scary though , to cough blood.

I treat the people who read my blog well..

I think...

I let you guys listen to nice songs.. I try my best to cheer you up....I kill time for you.... I reccomend remedies for you...I even drew nice pictures for you =) <----- So when evangelline asked for the chawanmushi to be put up again , i can't be more glad than to oblige , so Evan..

heres what you asked for ..

Almond Drink is good

The weather for the past few weeks in Singapore is nothing but hell. Its terribly hot in the day and even at night , god bless those people who invented the air-conditioner.I think i'll be reduced into a puddle of essence of me if theres no air conditioning around.



The high temperature is bad. It harms the body , mentally and physically. Mentally for example the group that i'm working in,we almost commited homicide during meeting discussions . Damn the bloody weather for making hot heads hotter. If frustrations ain't enough we've got people falling sick. Jeeze, I bet the stock prices for ma kuang medical hall or the poly clinic have been rising like how hot air rises .



If you are how ever , having sudden, often repetitive, spasmodic contraction of the thoracic cavity, resulting in violent release of air from the lungs ,usually accompanied by a distinctive sound, in other words.. cough.. You can have an ALMOND DRINK.



I've been coughing my adam's apple out for the past few days and i just couldn't get a cure. Mum came back with 2 bottles of Almond Drink and told me to finish one bottle. It tasted not bad so i glady gulp the latter down, and the effect is instantaneous!I'm feeling better already, ok , thats what i feel, i dunno whether i'm better or not ,but ITS GOOOOOOOOOODDDD. If you are having sudden, often repetitive, spasmodic contraction of the thoracic cavity, resulting in violent release of air from the lungs ,usually accompanied by a distinctive sound, in other words.. cough.. do give Almond Drink a go.. don't say i never say.

We're victorious with a lost..

The atmosphere was tense..a bead of sweat dribbled down my side burns as i held the ball, ready to serve.We're on par with our opponent, saint hilder's alumni, the champions for the tournament last year and by far, our more formidable opponent.We won the first set , and they won the second , and now , we're on par on the 3rd set, 19-19... no one had expected Zheng hua to be playing so well against such a strong opponent , and to be able to send them running on their heels. Eventually, the crowd began cheering for zheng hua , strangers became supporters, enemies kept their mouth open wide and stare at awe, the whistle blew and i served the ball over.

Memories of my time at zheng hua training as a vball player flash as the game proceeded.I still remember the time when Mr Sng bought us a pail, and the few of us chipped in money to buy us a bottle of syrup and we mixed it in the pail and drank from there! Its hilarious , the things we did during our trainings in Zheng hua. I still remember how we start walking during the jogging session when coach isn't looking and ran like crazy when we're in his scope. Then the times when Mr sng says he wants to treat the whole team to break fast .. we were so happy but were disgusted when he came with 70 cents plain bee hoon with chilli sauce as a side. Then the time when he made a bet with us if we won our ever first finals at the west zone he'll buy us anything, and gen yuan asked for a mrt. We won, and yes , Mr sng owes us a mrt.

Now every one of us have different paths already, Ct and jy plays for Sp and have improved so much , Ws became the captain of team Nyp, Yk became the captain of team Rp , while the rest of the team , ppl like me.. remain in our solitude. My thoughts snapped as i prepared for the spike , the crowd started their chant .." wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...... SAH~"

We lost.. the game , the players at saint hilders are great. They've got good skills , height and strength. As we shake our hands , we knew in our hearts, that we won. We sent chills down the spine of a giant , we fought till the very last point was wasted, we salvaged every points with every ounce of energy we had and we made a difference.That match was zheng hua's victory, our win.

Volleyball fiesta

A couple of quick updates on what i'm doing..

Been playing loads of vball matches lately, couldn't get enough of them. For bukit panjang we're into the quarter-finals already which is on next tuesady , woots it seems so effortless to play with team bukit panjang csc, they're good. Then , i'm now in team zheng hua alumni , like finally, i'm able to play for zheng hua again. We're now facing off different teams in our preliminary rounds in the national under 19 vball tournament.We defeated team zypheus today with a lip smacking 2-1 win. It was smacking indeed , the net was set so low today that every one had no problem over coming it , so much so that i jumped too high and had my head blocking the ball instead of my hands. Well, that kinda summed up to my bruised left eye. Its a comedy ... oh yea, did i mentioned, 10 yellow cards were issued in our match . . .totally ridiculous

I gave it a thought and maybe , vball ain't that bad to play. Since i can't cycle well any more , might as well settle for a sport which i could just play.. less competitively. Cycling is nice and all , but its all solo. I'ld like solo once in a while, but to train in solitude.. to be too fast in front of the pack, or too slow ... its always a solo affair. You don't share the glory of wining a race with any one else. You got it yourself. I've got enough of individual glory, enough to satisfy myself.I'm an easily satisfied person so Shut the fuck up , if u think I'm showing off .

Maybe volleyball would be a good thing to continue after all. There is more team work , and we win or lose as a team. Glory isn't just some nonsensical self proclaiming any more. Its a big shout out from 12 people, that we won~ eat that.

Ay ok la.. I like vball .

The jaw dropper...

Sheesh , its been a helluva week, Projects, tutorials , vball, club stuffs.. GG , I'm cranked out . Not to mention i'm so busy acting busy most of the time. Sheesh , and there is this presentation tml , damn and my leather shoe gave up on me this morning while meeting our client. , it couldn't got worse. Its good that i've got a bunch of carrying team mates and ly actually ran all the way to the club room to get my other pair of shoes, woots, thanks man.Much appreciated.

So, the other day Patrick showed me this girl , upon seeing her , i had the image of her Etched right into the back of my head. Sheesh, i just can't forget her.Well, so I'll be kind and I'll share the good stuffs, so i decided to post a pic of this

marvellous

hot

sexy

bootilicious

Stussy

Girl....

Don't look any where else ...

Jaw dropper, ain't she...XD

Appreciation , uniformed..

" Auntie can you help me to clean the table please, its very dirty , thank you"

Wearily , she drapes her rag onto her arm and push the cockery cart to the table . As she swiped the grime, her eyes wandered around the vicinity . Every table sat a family , or at least , a mum and her child . There were roses and cakes and beautifully wrapped presents in the arms of mothers. She looked at her hand covered with filth , took a deep breath and submitted to fate.

"Heres the pay for this month , sorry it came so late, the people up there were giving us a hard time."

"Thank you" she croaked.

" Hows ah boy doing? Has he been going to school and all? I hope he mixes well with his class mates..."

She kept her reserve and managed a smile as she packed her uniform into her bag. Ah boy is 19 years old now, he is her only son. The father died in a freak accident at his work site , leaving her as the family's sole bread winner. Ah boy finally made it into pre-school this year , he was diagnose with autism at the age of 3.

The casual walk back home became draggy steps. Her legs feels especially heavy today . The gates creaked open, marking the end of her tormenting journey back home. She sauntered in the dark pass her living room and into her bed room. She then took light foot steps into the kitchen for her shower in an attempt to make as least noise as possible, not wanting to wake ah boy up.

As she turn on the lights at the kitchen , she was froze.

"Ah boy! "

The child looked at her mother guiltily as he sat on the floor , infront of him laid cutlery sprewn across the floor.

" Ma..."

" what are you doing? So late haven't sleep!"

"I want to cook dinner for you ma, teacher said today is mother's day , I want to thank you for being my mum"

Tears welled up in her eyes as she dropped on her knees to hug her son...

" Shi shan zhi you ma ma hao, you ma ti hai zi...~~~~"

The dim moon light creeps off as he continued singing......

The escape..

I've not been blogging much as you guys have noticed,not because i'm busy but because blogger gave me some fuck up error, thus i can't post, but here goes , a post which is due 6 days ago..





Patrick the star fish introduced me to this wonderful place to fish a few weeks ago and I've been dying to try the place out. Last Sunday was a beautiful day thus i loaded my gear and cycled to the spot. Now one good thing about the spot is that its far away from civilisation, least considered far away for a Singaporean "spot" . Its almost seems un disturbed by any human activity and heres the catch , you don't get any net work reception in that area. Imagine you were to die there ,how nice.


Despite the swampy condition of its parameters, its actually quite a nice place to be at . Its peaceful ambiance eradicates any stress you have . Some how , it can be quite eerie when it gets damn quiet when even the cicada decided to shut up. Well, that didn't really bother me , i like a mysterious surrounding once or twice , for that moment of serenity . I didn't even mind if i don't catch any fish at all!






Nevertheless ,I did manage to land some fine catches at that area. Only a specific species though , the giant snake head(Channa micropeltes), other wise locally known as Toman or Siam lui.


Being a high level predator means that the Giant snake head eats many other fishes, amphibians and even small birds, but is not preyed upon by many other species. The Giant snake head is considered gregarious, with the young often following closely to their mother. There have been reports of protective mother Giant snake head attacking men who have disturbed the snake head's school of juveniles.



Well, not that I've been attacked , i wouldn't want to go swim if i know those fishes are in the water man. I did waded about knee deep to retrieve my line when it got snagged in some underwater branches though, with fear.Just look at it baring its teeth.

I couldn't bear bringing home those fishes and destroying that habitat and its Eco-system, thus fishes caught were all released after photo taking. The day was concluded with an awesome sunset . As i gulped down my Heineken , i couldn't help but have the urge to go at the spot once again , that my friends, is living the high life, my style.

Happy birthday Jp..

I've a confession to make .

Jia pei , it is your birthday and you are supposed to be expecting a message and a present from me in perth. Heres the confession , I've not sent you message nor the present. =X Ok , now you can go ahead and call me heartless , ungrateful and all those shet , because i really think i'm something like that . Ay, sorry .... i'm just too busy acting busy...

Despites all the names you're gonna start giving to me , i'ld like to say that i'ld treated you all the same and i'm grateful that you're always there and all , being concern and all those shet . Tsk , I know you're gonna go its ok and all for not getting ur present and sending you a message and all but tsk , face it, i could have . SORRY!

Well , in any case, please don't go thinking u're any less appreciated by me or any stuff along that line. Happy birthday ~ =)

Egoism,charismatic yet annoying in abundance...

Its been extremely busy for me, i was tied up with the club's FO camp and school.. So i thought i could blog alil before i go to sleep, tsk , waiting for hair to dry..

So we won the match , Shawn came with a casted leg -_- pff, what irony, thus i played that match... Its quite a nice fight i guess, well, i definitely feel the knees crying in agony as I pushed them to their limits jumps after jumps..Tsk, break already , if you must..

The Fo camp went pass last sat, well lotsa stuffs to improved on but we pulled through. AS i looked around the comrades which fought with me to keep the club alive , i see rusty blades... WE're tired... I'm tired... The battle had taken its toll...Its hard to put up a good fight any more.. THen i saw new faces, a new era, the young blood, which will carry on this fight , not for glory, not for recognition... but to strive for the passion that runs deep within the blood , that pushes us to triumph, the fight for SP cyclists...its been a long long journey......I'm glad that we came through...

---

Egoism would best be describe by how a man overwrites perceptions given by others with his own beliefs and interest. Egoism occurs in both man and woman alike , its good to have alittle ego here and there but it definitely pisses me off when one flaunts his or her ego like its nobody business.IN this case , I'm Glad to be more exasperated with a MAN's copious ego.

I didn't really believe that egoism is anything good before , but some one, passed down a comment that egoism would add to one's charisma.I thought over it and found that its quite true that one who possesses his own set of beliefs has scored more likes and leadership qualities then some one who does not. See now , that's the time where Egoism is good to have.

However , what isn't good to have is TOO MUCH EGO. Imagine this situation, you're in a team doing some project for a client, and you believe that what ever applications you've input would work . You see your idea as a piece of art and would turn out to brilliantly and much appreciated by the client . How ever , in the eyes of many others who've seen or heard about what you're going to do thinks it isn't going to work that way. They've advise you , they tried to coax you, they've even did something which is better for you to look at , but you still hold your stand that your work is gonna work , stubbornly. You then take charge of the team and had them carry out your idea , and when you shown it to the client , he wasn't the least impressed. Voila , you pulled your team mate , and yourself into a toilet bowl full of shet, yes , you are in deep shit. Then you start thinking that the client's views are wrong and its unjust and you kept whining about the perfect plans you had. Pretty annoying now , ain't it?

Well, here's some two cents worth of advise I'll like to give . Its good to have you're own believes , and its good to fight for what you want. How ever , when the whole world thinks what you're doing is dumb , that's the point to start thinking that your are not that smart after all. Take for example King Leonidas from the movie 300 . If you've not watch it , go watch it , its a pretty nice film , good animated muscles and all. So , king Leonidas took 300 spartan soldiers out for a nice battle down the valleys of mountains with the Persians. He strongly believes that he should carry on his spartan tradition and all that shet , ditto, that's having egoism. That egoism sparked him to take 300 soldiers out to the battle fields to kill, yet quite some number from the enemy side , in fact its quite impressive what the 300 could do. How ever , They ended all dying piling on top of each other , with arrows stuck in their bodies when the Persian army came down full force on them(I can't imagine the pain if the arrow struck the , you know... part first.)Now , that 300 , what if any one of them harboured the thought that he didn't wanted to do this , but its his king's egoism that clouded his views, that he doesn't wanna voice out , in fear of spiking his king's Egoism. What if any of them would have those thoughts? Now , great egoistic one... put yourself in king Leonidas shoes, what would you do?

Well, its up to you now whether you still wanna be stubborn or not , change when in the need to ... If you still want to flaunt that egoistic "quality" of yours , you could go get yourself your little spear and shields, wear some sandals or something and go scream like some one just stick a cactus up your arse...

Kid and old man

Some times when i go out with my friends..they'll describe about the many sides of my characters ... many a time i disagree with their descriptions , because I KNOW MYSELF THE BEST! Pff, well , the reliability of that statement is questionable , so pff, i decide to start doing self assessments of myself , to show case , or admit .... the person i think i am.

I think i can be damn childish and immature at times . Just like a kid. I'ld whine and stuffs when i'm with the guys when i can't get the stuffs i want. I'ld be angry over the most meagre things like having to eat vegetables for the whole day. i'ld watch pokemon on saturdays and teenage mutant ninja turtles on sundays.I'ld show off when ever i can , like riding just alittle faster then the guy in front and smirking at him.

I can be quite an old man sometimes. I'ld complain about every thing . Even though there is nothing wrong with it , i'ld go all out to find faults which were never there. I'ld grumble just to get attention and irritate. Then i'll nag at stuffs to get them done.. oh yea , i've got back aches , knee aches and cry pain when it rains. Tsk , ah pek.

Even now i'm complaining about my knee, pff.. Vball match this thurs , think i'm not going to be able to play in main 6 , too lousy. Sigh.

Akward silence

The saturday was spent at home , sleeping and resting mostly , had a bad head ache and i went for the white one in the morning , that explains why i slept through. The thing about me and bad head aches is that they occur after a huge relieve , its like high tide of brain juices draining out as i began to relax, causing turbulence , thus head ache. Thats , comical science.

Its weird how i felt empty when ever saturdays are spent alone . Well, the fact that i'm alone contributes most of it , but i'm alone mostly , but its saturdays that hit me the most.When you work so hard or studied so hard through out the week and finally you have the week end to chill , you find that you're alone. I long for companionship , or rather, just people(or person) to chill out with.

Then i thought , maybe i need to find something to do ,usually i'll just go online. Now , going online meant i will be on msn and that didn't help much but cave me out even more. Messages began popping up , but those aren't stuffs i wanna hear . People i don't wanna talk to . Conversations i don't wanna start . It sucks.

Then again , i'll be scrolling up and down my contact list and i see people online , which i so wanna talk to . Just typing something to them. How ever , its hard , especially when you don't know what to type. Makes you feel that you don't understand them at all and perhaps its best you'ld leave them alone. That feeling is unbearable.

With so much contradictions running through , which can't be help , its hard not to feel emo and all.I began having childish and naive thoughts of stuffs , thats when i can get those imaginery scenarios i came out with before. Then i can't have the motivation to do anything . To a point that i'm just scrolling up and down my contact list , yes , going crazy.

Jeeze , i feel left out .



Sigh.

Work ends and school starts..

Today mark the last day of my intership period with Alliance spec. I don't know why i feel sad to leave the staffs . Especially the ones which were quite close with me and all. I always dreaded work and all , but when i stepped into the office one last time to see the np interns , i felt that i wanted to linger around longer. I didn't really had a chance to bid good bye properly, to the people i should . Sigh , this feeling gets me emo, i think i'm going to stop blogging now and start crying.. slash my wrist or something..

~




They'll never taste the same...

April 7.. something still feels amiss...

I did mention i was tired of being the narrator of my life ... perhaps I'll rant about a few characters that came across me during the pass weeks. Some of them made me think, some of them sucked(mostly).. some of them been on my mind ... like a shadow..

Just yesterday i almost went into a heated argument with my boss. What I've experience was pure tyranny.Maybe I've yet seen or experience even worst pressure from bosses but , i deemed it as over demanding yesterday.To cut short , he gave us a pile of work to do after lunch yesterday.He asked if we could finish the work by today. The rest of the interns, i don't know why they didn't said anything but i voiced out. I said we can't complete the work by today. He looked at me and asked what would it take to complete it. I looked else where , obviously avoiding eye contact with him. Some ass said OT. The forbidden word. The boss then said that we could do OT and finish the work by today. He then asked if I've got a problem with that. I felt resentment and i said of course i had a problem , but it wouldn't be much of a problem to hinder with my work performances.

I finished my work on the spot though. When i submitted the work, my boss was surprised and said..." i thought you said you couldn't finish it on time? " I replied' yea , but i received some enlightenment when u said OT .." then he went " so you lied to me la.. when u said u couldn't finish.." I looked at the rest of the interns still doing their work... " well, that was before the enlightenment.." i ended the conversation after i finish sending the file over . The stay wasn't pleasant

I could have respected the boss ... but what he did sorta make me lose respect for him. He isn't the kinda guy who i'ld respect. I had mixed emotions as i left the building with the fact that i managed to finish faster then the interns there..it gave birth to so much more hatred ... I don't know whats wrong , but i feel that i would start avoiding them and all.

Guys out there , tell me now , what would you do if there is some one wooing the girl u're wooing and that some one gets the girl. Would u practice the code of honour of fair play ? Or would you start storing enmity for that guy or girl too? Would you be happy for that girl and accept the fact that he has got something that the girl likes and you don't? You.... i kinda expected for that to happened but when i saw it , i was quite speechless. Why would you want to be that waY?We're all grown ups , we know how to think .. beating him up won't be a resolution rite? What gives from resorting to violence? Pff, theres something called being immature , and well, i've got to say that i'm quite disappointed with you.

Sigh... what have we become? The insomnia bug hit me hard for the past week and i'm always waking up with bad head aches and stuffs. I just can't sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night , shocked from some oblivious fear... night mares? I reckon... i don't remember any of the dreams i had except for one which had this chocolate recipe in it. Weird eh .. to dream about chocolates.-_-pff... 6pills left one~

I did had enjoyable times and all during the week.Fishing with patrick ,and speaking of which , i feel so happy for you eh patrick~Ur HAPPINESS! Then i had xboxing sessions with the guys ... Fifa is leets . Too nice . Then Pz was so kind to give me my birthday present yesterday . A radio light clock thing... its cool. I like its tail and woots , i finally have a decent clock in the room.



The tail is too cool...

The world was never fair to start with...

Last Thursday night i was going to turn in when i heard this sharp screech followed by a loud bang. I rushed out of the house and this is what i saw.



Apparently , the driver lost control of the car due to its sheer power and he crashed onto that tree as seen. The ambulance and fire trucks arrived soon and i saw them try to free the driver out of his seat. I watch helplessly as they dragged the driver out of mangled car window and the paramedics performing CPR for him.I thought that the driver might be in some serious danger and i hope he'ld be OK and all. How ever , he took his last breath on the way to the hospital...

That man , was in his late 20s only. He was going home after sending his girl friend home when he got into this freak accident. He was a young entrepreneur and all. He does regular charity work and is known to be a very caring person. He could have been a great business man , he could have experience the many good things life could offer , he could have gotten married with his girl friend and have kids and all living in his small apartment. Death got him too soon. He never got the chance to do all those things he could have done .

As I saw the cleaner pick up the pieces of debris from the crash , I thought about how his loved ones would be picking up the pieces . They must be thinking how unfair and unjust life can be... Why would some one so good and nice be killed just like that. Tsk , we are so vulnerable. Condolence to who ever maybe be concerned about him and ay, i hope he find peace....