We are not Fools, we are juz blinded ... fools are those who knew they are blinded but continue to be blinded by all..

We are all back to the point tht ppl changes... and time is the ultimate destruction of every ting.. i Tink, tis quote is still so true from the day i tot of it..

Ct was rite, being an ideologist bring tis much pains to oneself.. WAKE UP ! speak based on theory.. the fact now is tis had all happened,and wat, making a fuss out of it can help? I am tired being a ideologist... so much so i kept fluctuating between perspectives... so much so that i feel that i am so damned overdoing tings.. and so much so i contradict.. HAH! so, contradictions catch up wif me again, yep its me again jumping into every ones shoes and having different yet had equally basis views. RIte, like who the hell shud i stay in..If i could choose to keep my stand to myself.. i cud, but if i do tht, nth gets outta it .. I dunno.. I tink i shud behave like every one else... juz, dun bother and all.. juz take it tht way .. yea, juz dun make a big fuss outta every ting..

I kept telling myself all tis , but some how, it feel so weird,I duno, maybe i've began to look at even more tings ... thts why i had tht tot tht day ... and thts why every ting tht happened now make me fear tht my tot wud come true.

Maybe i shud be like ct for once and instead stop being his opposition.. i shud learn from the dilly dally behaviour and takes no seriously..I told myself to be like that, like km ct st and the rest.. but i cant, I duno, some how i cant break away from tis tots of mine.. And some how, i feel tht i cant throwing away certain responsibilities... i dunno, i feel like i am so different from every one now.. perharps i shud see a psych one day...

dishearted

NTH lASt for ever~! ALl those eternity ting are shit, fully crap.... TOk about 4ever friends and all, tok about making the best outta time we have together... look at wat we have now.. juz look at all those differences we had now from before.. juz take a look at who's around now... looK at how the different amount of effort put in to salvage all tis....

I dunno, i might be over doing all tis, deep emotions run through me, i am having tis fear tht wat i tot of tht day might come true... coz, its slowing going to.. I dun WaNT IT TO!..The crucial factoer is tat we shud not be complacent about wat we have already, coz we dun have any more...Dun TOKED about fate coz i am still going against it...fate is there wen we belive it is there, most of the time we are doing the work..fate only do some of it... TInK~!..

bad now.... i am all saddened up by all tis... YEa, i'm a selfish freak performing this freak show.... dun bother.

The next big step is to let go...

Mm, tomolo we might not be conferencing lo, they might go off for steam boat.

Hmm, i was panicky moments ago wen my sis told me beng had an injury on the leg... dangz, its limping quite badly now, tomolo i will bring it to jp, den see if nid to bring to the vet or not..Plz let it be fine...

Sorry wei en i made u cry yesterday ar... juz wanted u to know tht i am a living example.. i hope every ting turns out fine for u ..

Mm, am having quite a number of tots now.. dunno, hope tomolo will be a better day.

*reminder* TOMOLO NIGHT CONFERENCE

Defence is paper thin..

I am not having a very good day here....

Fuck up working experience i had today, every one sucked once more. ARgh~! Tok about politics during work, i am juz only a kid lo.. hello young 16? Wth is it with all of u ... cant even gimme a break? The designer who called up was so damned too.. " lets get down to business la, u know it know it.. I wan to do tings professionally... lemme show my client my best...." He said. I was like.. wat liao, the professionalism is now with us.. not u, u only do the designs, while we are the curtains ppl, our opinions are based on our past experience and the ting wun look good, its juz a harmless suggestion... no nid to crictisize on our profession liddat, its too far off ... i dun crictisize ur designs at all lo...

dang, i am so hot headed now..every little ting seemed like a gr8 big blow for me.. sianz.

Mm, decisions.. hard or easy.. they all come with consequences..

Mm, today was quite busy at the shop bahz, run here and there up and down. Wootz, tiring and sleepy too, maybe becoz yesterday lots of strenous exercises..

Wootz, finally got ah beng to listen to my language ler.. hehe...so prouda myself..

Mm, nth much to say about today bahz.. conclude ler.. hehe

Mm, decisions.. hard or easy.. they all come with consequences..

Mm, today was quite busy at the shop bahz, run here and there up and down. Wootz, tiring and sleepy too, maybe becoz yesterday lots of strenous exercises..

Wootz, finally got ah beng to listen to my language ler.. hehe...so prouda myself..

Mm, nth much to say about today bahz.. conclude ler.. hehe

"Our Lives"

Is it love tonight

When everyone's dreaming

Of a better lifeIn this world

Divided by fear

We've gotta believe that

There's a reason we're here

Yeah, there's a reason we're here

Cause these are the days worth living

These are the years we're given

And these are the moments

These are the times

Let's make the best out of our lives

See the truth all around

Our faith can be broken

And our hands can be bound

But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness

With nothing to stop usIs it not worth the risk?

Yeah, is it not worth the risk?

Cause these are the days worth living

These are the years we're given

And these are the moments

These are the times

Let's make the best out of our lives

Even if hope was shattered

I know it wouldn't matter

Cause these are the momentsThese are the times

Let's make the best out of our lives

We can't go on

Thinking it's wrong

To speak our minds

I've gotta let out what's inside

Is it love tonight

When everyone's dreaming

Can we get it right?

Yeah, well can we get it right?

Cause these are the days worth living

These are the years we're given

And these are the moments

These are the times

Let's make the best out of our lives

Even if hope was shattered

I know it wouldn't matter

Because these are the moments

These are the times

Let's make the best out of our lives

its not a matter of falling down any more.. its whether u get up...

I am so tired today.....

Tis morning Ys called me as she said she needed company.. i did say i wanted to tok for only 30 mins..Dang.. she dragged the conversation thru the wee hours.. and thus.. i am left without much sleep. HAiz, so shagged now....was very dissapointed in the earlier part of the day...


Woke up and str8 after having a ligth braek fast i went riding.. dang.. my performance deteoraited by alot today... arghz... Dunno why, i take lots of time to complete three laps..I am dissapointed.. alot of climbs i cannto go up.. dang, my tyres.. maybe dey are not meant for wet conditions liddat but wat liao.. if i go race.. den like tis condition in race i tink i die liao lo sure lose one.. i felt so dissapointed manz after riding .. den like.. sat in the middle of the road and began to recall my mistakes and all... felt so lame with the monkeys all looking at me...

afternoon went to sch for vball.. dang, i couldnt run.. couldnt jump manz.. suffering from fatigue... had cramps on my leg muscles .. den ct kept on saying i very slow.. Dangz... si buay pek chek ...

DEn at evening went to play bad with the rest of the peeps.. wootz, i've counted..already 5 days no see tio jp ler.. hehe. missing in action ler she..jie commented tht my hair very short.. arghz... its short.. argh~!~!~!...

Sian.. now nth to do.. jie no online.. pz also no online.. if she online also play game de.. dangz.. so now i am very sianz..

dear blog..

i am now very fed up with st... i am beggining to disregard him ler.. i dun want to do tis.. but his actions made me do it, and yea, i will wack him up. I dun care wat the rest of the guys say any more.. if dey understood me.. they shudda know tht i kept quiet and let him have his way for a long time ler.. I've decide to even argue with him as i know tht his ears are not meant for hearing in facts and reasons , where as they were only there for the sake of being there.. Yea, lemme see him one more time, and let him blow his top of one more time at me.. and yea, i'll sure wack him up, i am not saying for the sake of saying.. i am saying coz i am totally fed up wif him already... his attitude has been like tis before.. yes... it has..he nvr changed... ppl around might accomodate to him but i cant..yea, he kicks me around and stuffs, i've enuff of that..

I've promised some already... dis is my decision.

This early morning at about 3++ i made a very big promise to my jie and i wud not break it ...

Mm, suddenly my thirst of becoming a much better cyclist grew stronger.. suddenly, i wanted to convert to downhill ler.. tht means, i'll do free ride ler.. tht means ... lots of tings..

Mm, some how looking at chris and stevie at penang made me had the urge to have a go at dh, but it comes with a big price tag .. i wud nid at least.. 4k to make tis come thru.. dangz, 4 k 4k 4k 4k.. where am i gonna find it..MM, through saving perharps, but i tink , there is a faster alternative.. win this year national saca cross country race wif my bike now.. then i'll get 2.5 k, enuff starters for a new bike.. den pluz abit of savings.. i shud be race ready by june.. dangz, lots of commitment...after i calculated it all out, meaning, i might not have time for alot of tings too..

Went to ikea alone today... dang,couldnt find my table, i guess i've gotta custom one already... sian..

juz now ah ma ordered pizza for u , dang... my ah ma is keen on eating junk food now , got to watch her health..

K bahz.. nth much to conclude ler.. tml will see much intensive training going on for me.. hehe.

was it me u are looking at... or it was juz my fantasty.

I Had my hair cut ler.. wootz, so excited about it .. hehe, now my head is less heavier..

Mm, woke up at 945 today.. dangz,i woke up and looked at the clock and this sentence kept on passing through my head.."i have to cut my hair i have to cut my hair i have to cut my hair.." dangz, i went to the saloon str8 after i brushed my teeth, den stay there wait for about halve and hour.. fell asleep, coz i was like juz wake up mode.. dangz, lucky the gal was kind enuff to tap me to wake me up. The gal who cut my hair also damn lo so.. i say i dun want to cut short.. i juz wan every ting to lighten up.. den she kept saying how can.. later sch will catch.. den i say i working.. den she say how can.. ur job allow tis hairstyle mehz. den juz at tht moment, one of my client called up , After i tok to her den the gal asked me wat i working aS... Den i say i working as sales.. den she say.. sales must look neat one mahz.. den i was like..fed up.. i said"ok, actually i am the assistant manager of a company selling textiles..." den she went ... orhhhh... asst manager can leave long hair....(Jkingly la..) den i was , hur hur juz cut my hair plz.

Had a furthur chat wif her later on , exchange quite a few tips on hair styling and the hair products to look out for in the market out there, wootz...hehe, as expected she asked me a question every other barber had asked me before.. since i turn 12 i tink, got gf or not.. tis time i ans yes.. wahahha, den she say.. orh no wonder wan to look so nice. -_- ....

Ok, after tht eventful morning i went back home and slack awhile while preparing for work.. lol, managed to watch gundam seed today, hehe reached work place only at 1230 , breaking my record of 1120, lol, i am officially 1 hour 30 mins late for work today. Haha.Ct came today again for lunch, hehe lots of tings to tell me about jc and vball stuffs, dangz.. he did most of the tokking today lol..During lunch i went to buy from dis hawker ... hehe, i happened to passed by only, actually dun wan to buy from tht stall one.. but he said smth tht made me buy, he said"SHUAI GE~! YAO CHI SHER MER.."i was working away from his stall already until i heard tis den i u-turn go back and buy.. whahaha. DEn while i was choosing my food, another guy.. some how, looking like er.... wei haoz.. ok la.. not say wei hao bad looking la.. as in the face nerd nerd de.. den ar.. alot of pimples.. , k tis guy came up.. den the hawker shouted at him " Lai shuai ge yao chi sher mer.." den i was like.. diao~~~~ Mm, again i was caught red handed for being bhb.. ARGHZ!~!~!~! T-T u two might tink its funny but its not.. its total embarassment.. ~

Oh well, work today was very tight. Alot of custormers.. for the first time i serve 4 custormers at the same time.. dangz...

AFter work followed mum bro sis and maid to plaza and had dinner,dangz, the food at plaza is getting more and more exp.. dangz, heng my mum pay , not me.. HiAck hiack. After that, went to watch the match between singapore and indonesia at cun lai house.. Wen i reach his house i was like.. where is the door bell ar.. den i shouted inside to them, oie wheres the door bell, and they went "GOAAAALLLLL" dangz, gr8 my presence led to singapore scoring another goal. hehe, den km joked about tht , he said, wah, juz now jc shouted where the door bell then the indonesia goal keep blur ar..the goal keep was tinking "LONG 'MEN' where got 'MEN' LING one.."thats why they conceded the goal. Mm, if u tink tis joke nto funny not my fault ar.. is km said one.. hee.After that match went for supper with them, wanted to order beer but.. dangz, km dun wan to share wif me.. so, decides not to..(Too much beer is not good for ur health boy"mdm chong ling ling)

Oh well, den that ended up wif me here blogging ler bahz... mm, now waiting for my goondo jie to come online.. she damn goondo one lo.. watch the news den dunno which side win, indonesia or singapore.. wen i saw her msg.. i was like.. omg.

Wishes might come true after all, there is hope beyond the pain..

Hehe, having quite a good day today.. like wat i wished for in the earlier part of the day.. LOl, i better be, or jie wud toture me de.

Work was kinda interesting today..There is tis old japanese customer which came in.. She was my mum's and my boss ex client.. she was a very nice lady.. a very good mother too.. And her family is .. very very very rich.. she has a bungalow in singapore.. australia.. japan.. two apart ments in america.. Dangz.. HEr daughter is spoilt manz.. She is twenty.. but she already stopped education some time back coz she wanted to pursue a music career. Thus, her mum enrolled her to a teacher , hourly she gave 300 USD to the teacher to teach her how to sing .. DAngz~! tok about major wastage of finances...BUt i guess she has too much to give ler..BUt she is a very humble lady... she dresses like any other obasan... Dangz.. there is really more than wat it looks. She had this stories she had with her wen she travelled around the world.. dang.. i want to be like her manz, next week she will be back to japan again. Hehe, well, she also did one ting tht really made me happy... She said that i was very mature in handling customers.. , i'm not showing off or wat.. but its like.. Wen u work on smth so much.. and some one actually gave u a remark on it.. its a great sensation .. She also said others tings about me but i tink the one tht raelly hit me hard is tis . dangz, When the lady said good tings about me... my mum ar.. instead of saying mei you la mei you la.. she went.. ya lo.. ~~ Dangz, i was like so red faced already she made it worst.. Den after on..she ask me whether i wanted to sing like her daughter too.. she say she could bring along too.. den i was frozen.. damn.. a one time opportunity manz.. to go to the states..I wanted to nod my head ler.. Den my mum intervene.. and said no... Mm, i guess that was the right ting to do also... i wun bear to live all that i had here and go for that.. Although i love singing alot too but i dun tink tis is the way.. Good singers out there all started from scratch, i cant be living off others liddat... Mm, for once my mum did the rite ting..

later part in the after noon went to buy a b-day card for Ming Li. DAngz, Tis mth like alot of ppl b-day liddat..

Ok bahz.. thts all ler.. jie today nvr msg me ler.. duno why.. maybe msging ct lol. hehe

blurified..

dang.. here i am early in the morn posting.. going to work soon ler.. so wud make tis a short 1.. come back at night then post again..

I dunno how all tis happened but my mum knows about wat happened between me and lin.. Well, maybe not all but she knows that i've been going out with her for almost the whole of december.. dangz. Dunno how she know.. It all started yesterday wen she asked me about my friends den she mentioned lin.. Den she ask.. "u and lin how come no go out ler ar?... How come that time house warming no call her come.." den i was like.
"O-O"

Den she furthur ask.. "i tot u two were together .... ' den i was like

"T-T"

DEn I say.. "orh... she went out wif her boy friend that day la.. "

den she say.."orh.. u all fen shou ler ar.. HA HA HA..."

Den i was like.
"X_X"

dangz, i duno how she know so much.. and hell i dunno why she laugh till so hysterical..PArents can some times be the funniest ppl alive..

Mm, wasnt having a good day yesterday due to lots of tings..MM hope the new stop today wud be better ~! Lame..

living in the bubble of my own..

living in the bubble of my own.....

Am i disregarded by all .. am i but nth at all...

Wootz, changed my blog lay out ler.. kinda made it maself.. hehe.. proud abt it manz..

Mm, today was juz another day bahz.. more boring then yesterday. Ct came over to look for me for lunch at bt plaza. Mm, he very troubled over lots of tings .. Mm, dangz.. i guessed i juz made him more troubled.. Lol. We today also abit siao.. ate a plate of nasi lemak followed by a plate of fried kway teow.. ~~, cannot walk manz after lunch, too full..~

Finally confirmed my off days ler.. mondays and a alternate week end.. yayZ, i'm free any of u two wanna book me? wahhaha.

Tis sunday i'm off.. golly i nid to do lots of adminstrative stuffs manz..

1)get myself the table..
2)paint my bed frame..
3)get my hair cut ..
4)buy that denim looking jacket
5)plan for wat to do on monday afternoon
6)watch the live telecast of singapore vs indonesia

Some how i dun tink tis music suits my blog any more lehz.. find it weird....

mm nth to write ler.. no quote today.. hehe.

at times i require trust.. but i cant bring my self to give others that,sinned for that.

Quite a normal day today bahz.. off i went to work on the bus today. Nth much happened at work today... Happened to persuade my mum to buy a dog ler.. but juz now after wat jp said.. kinda demoralizing . like dun wan buy ler.. Dangz. What she says is true bahz, i might not have time for the dog after all..

Mm, now the peeps are at gaynes house playing mahjong bahz.. i dunno how to play.. and my mum wants me back home.. thus i went home ..

hehe, abit side tracked ler.. actually today was the eve of yu hui's birthday, then they decided to celebrate it today. LOl, juz now jp called me and i made tis crude remark.. She was telling me to hurry up as some of them nid to go off early.. den i told them to start first without me... hehe.. den i said i know they wun bear to start without me.. LOl. Lamed. KNocked off kinda early due to tht and went to meet up wif Jie after tht.She laughed wen she saw me .. she says i llook funy.. Dangz.. ~ Like where do i look funny lo.. Any way .. was supposed to meet ct at the fountain later on as he wants to acc me to the block.. Mm, i got this idea since jie was there... hehe, i told her to go to the fountain first .. lol.. i guess she also knows wats happening and decide to follow me to buy my food.Mm, i tink wat i am doing also bu shi ban fa.. the more i try to help the more worst it gets ,... dang, but i dun wan it to become bad lehz.. Mm, jie went silent completely after seeing ct there.. dangz. I dunno why liddat, ct also all time idiot, kicked his ass jus now.. i kinda understand how jie felt that time ler.. hehe. BUt i tink i felt more as tis time.. there are two ppl which i wanna kick ass. hehe. Mm, maybe fate is not finished with its work yet.. maybe wat wud happened might happen.. Haiz.

realised that the ship my bro was in had been routed to help out in the tsunami relief operations, i am so proud that my bro is helping them out and dang , i hope he dun gets into any trouble there. i heard tht there might be after shocks... maybe lord bless..

k bahz.. thts about all i have to say for today.. sorry for those who i offended to day if there are any ..I am thankful i live tis day... Heres a lil quote i wan to make..


Live a life today ...

dun dwell about the past as it is already over ..

Tink about the present and how u can make it better..then the past

Dun worry for the future as it has yet to come..

Tink about how to live the present to the fullest and make the best out of it..

in the depths of the night , the lone wolf mourns for it comrades

Mm, a better day to day ... hehe..

Went to work as usual, but abit lethargic.. still feeling kinda dizzy . MM got my pay today.. haiz.. far from wat i expected but i guess wats meant to be mine wud be mine de.. Mm,me will be peter parker and listens to wat my boss says...I will not be sad.

Sianz.. also nth much to type ler.. stupid z juz furthur confirmed that i am weak DANGZ.. Jay-C is nice.. jesse sucks.

I dun understand why, but i dun blame ... i know its difficult, i understand.

Today was quite a unsunny day.Went to siloso today...

Dangz woke up 7 in the morning to prepare the food manz... 2 hotdog sandwishes.. in the end. only the bois and angie eat only.. sianz..

It rained the whole day sial... wen we met it already was raining, den we boarded the bus first without km as he was late, due to my fault la.. forget to wake him up. Damn sucked.. The weather was so cold that calin and san li didnt went down to the water wif us.Mm, we played with sand for awhile den and finally all those who were reluctant to go into the water finnaly got wet.. heEh, temptation does work wonders..Km came awhile later.

TIme sorta dragged as we spent out bitter hours in the cold water.. The chill kinda penetrated our bones and we were shivering so much manz.. Then we got out of the water and settle at the shelter..Den yk came out wif tis weird idea of playing penalty shoot out.. hur hur.. i was like and idiot manz.. dunno how to handle the ball wif my legs.. but hehe, wen he suggested we used spiking instead of kicking.. hiak hiak.. he died.]

AFter tht work out.. i was feeling all pumped up for another go at the water there i am running into the water like an idiot hollering and jumping into the water... hehe, fun sial.. but alot of eyes looking at me..

Mm, we went off at 430 i tink.. dang.. they wanted to visit harbour front..

Mm, wen every ting sorta settle down and all.. i began tinking again, can say is fa bai ri meng.. Den suddenly, i tot of smth and i felt very dejected.. I shant say wat i tot here, but i hope tht for once my tots wud nt come true. Mm.. On the bus jie seated next to me.. i saw her face also like dejected liddat.. decide not to put too much pressure on her.. Was kinda pissed off at wat yh did wen she scolded km and st on the bus.. Its like, wen u make a crictism, knw that eyes are looking and u too and u make sure that wat u say dun reflect u in front of those eyes or wat've u said wud be empty words , i know she was angry also la.. most prob coz she's not been with us out often.. but tings weren't liddat before de lo.. every one would accomodate wif eacb other, every one could tolertate eachother.. but now.. i tink as time passes it brought distances in between ler bahz.But well i kept my cool and all, as i sorta understood why she did that bahz.

Then we went off to harbour front ler..dang, walk here walk there like idiots like tht.. den finnally settled at the food court. dang the tings there are damn exp lo.. ct was saying tht it is for extortion of the tourist's money. Hehe lame joke. But anyway... i sat infront of ct , and wen the rest went to buy their food i decide to have quick talk wid him. Hmm, he commented tht i could join media corps for acting as i am so good at it and its too good to be true. Dangz, wen he said tht , i remembered the word i told to yh at the siloso beach ,"he bi tong de na mer ming xian.." Aiya, i guess i am back to square one where i am wearing a mask again bahz. dAng i dunno manz... i dun wanna tink abt it.. i wan to break away from all tis.Mm , the best ting to do tht wud to occupy myself wif lots of tings to do bahz.. hehe, effective.

After eating we went to walk around habour front again den we decided to head home lo.. With me and yk going to lot 1 to buy his clothings and the gals going for bad.. Mm, dunno wat happened but i didnt feel like going after receiving a msg.. hehe. Ct and st and km went to gy house to watch the soccer match , tiger cup semi finals.. sg vs myanmmar.. Wah that match was ddamn good manz.. i went to join them after buying yk clothes wif him. We were like roaring and screaming and booing so loudly wen there was a goal.. I tink ct and km and me de reaction the biggest bahz..
we were like shouting so loudly lo.. hhehe. feel good after shouting sial..sg won 4-2 , the lions are roaring ler.. hehe.. the fact is.. we three are roaring..

WEnt str8 home after tht koz mum kbkb ler.. hehe

Tok to jie juz now.. alot of tings to tell her.. but i came down to only one ting bahz..she said tht she tot tht i was recovering ler.. mm, dunno bahz, its like after so much.. den now i like suddenly fang qi.. felt very difficult.. the amount of pain and sadness i had is so much....... I tink my jie know tht i wud rarely cry de even the adam khoo ting almost all the ppl cry i no cry ar... but now i actually cry for lin.. mm, shi qing zhen de bu xiao lehz...also dunno why.. now adays i tok wif her more and more comfortable ler.. i guess she also.. but i felt bad after yesterday wen km saw wat i was tokking wit her.. dui bu qi...Mm, now i wan to say ro ma de hua liao.. JIe, like wat i said yesterday, wen u nid someting to cry on.. i will be ur pillow.. wen u nid smth to hug.. i will be ur bolster... wen u nid smth to tok to.. i will be a voice recorder.. wen u are lost.. i will be ur light tower.. wen u nid a friend.. i will be juz me.. :D hehe.. Ro ma hor..

MM, dunno why, maybe now adays due to harsh weather and deficiency in food and much work and tinking tht resulted in me.. running a fever now.. Damn i tink i'm like wat pz said.. WEAK! , kept falling sick de.. I tink there is smth wrong wif my immune system , more prone to sickness den other ppl.. even my jie also stronger den me.. dang..

WootZ~!

New blog, new skin, new look, new ppl, new ideas, new year , new me. Its all brand new manz, welcum to the year 2005.

Alrite, spent the first second of the year c0unting down with ma bunch of niggas at bp.Not any part of a celebration though.. i dun wan myself celebrating after such a castastrophe happened .. Yea, the tidal waves.. I guess, by now all would know tht it had took away more lives den we expected and it had shooken the entire humanity, mother nature is avenging for wat we did to her and this is only part of her wrath. May lord bless those poor souls who have been caught between this enimity and may their battered souls rest in peace .

Been not posting liddis for quite a long time ler.. wheew, it definately feels gd to be posting again. Alrite, do tune up for more of post yea , nak tht. Chaoz .~!