"Jc.. please stop dreaming and face the bloody reality"

The other day i was talking to my beloved patrick and ay, i was lost for words and full of thoughts after the conversation.

We chat about how i gave up on racing and i told him that i want to give it another shot again and this time get into the national team .Why i felt so would be due to the fact that its what I've been aspiring to do ever since i started racing. I'm gave the opportunity once and i just let it pass . Now i yearn to excel in something i'm good at again.

Then he asked me, asked me a series of questions.What comes after i get into the national team? What can cycling so much do for me in the future? Will I be still cycling like that when i'm all wrinkled in my 70s ?What do i do with the medals ? How much is glory going to be worth?

I snapped.

I was taken aback and i started to think, about those questions. Its true that i can't do anything if i were to cycle this much . It won't get be any where other then great distances. I could get sponsors , medals, fame , glory but what would that all sum up to? Perhaps just another couple of more bikes to be added to the shed and maybe some health products.

I think its one of my bad habits to have this thirst to fufil other hungers then mandatory ones . Then i thought that by cycling it will fuel by deprived thirst for glory and fame and passion. Its with such childish thoughts that saw me through all these years , wasting my life mentally and physically.

I'm 19 now , 1 year more and i'll end my life as a teenager and enter adulthood.I saw how reality chase me like a salvaged beast. Its not glory and fame that feeds me , its a fucking piece of paper that writes DIPLOMA or DEGREE that would get me a piece of meat on the dinner table. People will start killing each other just to get a god damn pay rise, they'll sell out on their kins just to fufil their sales target , they'll start dumping their parents into the old folks home to make room for their own family, WE'LD HAVE NO GOD DAMN ROOMS FOR DREAMS .

Alas , I quiver at how harsh things are going to get. I snigger at people who can't adapt , i smug about what a fluid concept I am.I'ld only scream my lungs out for my hand to be held tight and never let go.

How ever , i do enjoy looking at how pissed my colleague is when i told her that she ain't the princess she claim she is and HE IS NO FUCKING KNIGHT THAT can protect her. Thats Snapping back into reality for you =)


whats false pretence when you can grow into it?